Online Book Club Chapter 2

September 29, 2009 | Annemarie

“Traditional dating and courtship have all but disappeared for teenagers and twenty-somethings. For decades, feminists have disparaged traditional gender roles in romantic relationships as sexist and stifling for women. Men who open doors and offer to pay aren’t gentlemen—they’re misogynists objectifying women and perpetuating ‘patriarchy.’”

Modern feminists have thrown courtship out the window and traded it in for casual sex and one night stands. In today’s society, women run to the bedroom first, then try to build a romantic relationship with their “partner”, eventually date and move in together, and maybe, if everything goes well some day get married.

If casual sex with no-strings attached were our ultimate goal then the above-mentioned plan might sound alright. But, according to Carrie Lukas, modern women prefer marriage.

“Overwhelmingly, young women still see marriage as an important goal and most college women hope to meet their future husbands before they graduate.”

Let’s be honest with ourselves . . . we do prefer marriage, at least I do. I want the promise of fidelity, I want the promise to be loved no matter what, I want the guarantee that my children will have a father, and the promise of a life long best friend. 

Now some people might think ‘yes I agree,’ therefore it’s best to follow the modern norm of casual sex, friendship, romance, and then marriage. If I save marriage for last then at least I’ll know what I’m getting myself into, right? Wrong. The problem with this plan of action is a woman must physically objectify herself in every aspect of the relationship—sex is the foundation, the walls and roof of the relationship. If sex fails, so does the relationship.

In stark contrast, Carrie Lukas argues that traditional dating or courtship is the best way to find a marriage partner. She gives a compelling argument in her quote from Mary Elizabeth Podles.

“In serious courtship, a man conveys to a woman that if she is worth all this trouble to court, she must be worth more than any mate in the world and shall henceforth be The One Woman. On her part, the woman promises that if she was this hard to get, surely she will, as his wife, be impossible for others to get. The courtship dance is the unspoken pledge of future fidelity—the best basis for a happy marriage.”

My husband and I chose to use traditional dating or courtship as the basis for our relationship, and I can honestly say that Mary Podles is right—faithfulness is the best basis for a happy marriage.

Thanks to Carrie Lukas for writing such a useful book.  Here is a special message from Carrie to all of you enlightened women!

“Wow! It’s hard to believe its just been 5 years since NeW was launched. This organization is doing so much to provide women with real options on campus, and give those who believe in true independence and personal responsiblity a voice. Cheers to the next great 5 years for NeW!”

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