Chapter 4: Marriage is What Brings Us Together Today

February 28, 2012 | Stephanie

Ladies, if you read no other chapter in this book, read this one. Mrs. Venker and Schlafly offer such a wealth of solid and accurate advice that you’ll want to re-read the chapter again and again and share it with your girlfriends. Now, for full disclosure, I’m already married and have happily been so for the past six years. Consequently,  I can attest to the fact that everything Mrs. Venker and Schlafly say is absolutely true. Our culture hasn’t the foggiest idea about how to get married, stay married, or enjoy marriage. Primarily because we ignore the innate and wonderful differences between the sexes and have the divorce card as our ace-in-the whole when everything goes south.


Though the art of marriage is becoming uncommon, most Americans want to be married and define success as being a good parent and spouse. Men and women are scared to death and often spend years in long relationships, perseverating over the best course of action because they believe marriage is unsuccessful or unnecessary. The fact is, the institution of marriage is not at fault; our attitudes are. And according to Venker and Schlafly it’s time for them to change. First, some facts:

  • Cohabitating before marriage is destructive.
  • The biggest obstacle to marriage is immaturity and an attitude of instant gratification.
  • Television and movies have over-romanticized love and marriage. A good marriage happens, but not by chance.
  • Marriage empowers women and civilizes men.

To conclude the chapter, Venker and Schlafly give four clear action steps for marital success, which they expand on more throughout the book.

#1- Change our Attitude: Marriage is not the end of who we are, it is a catalyst for individual growth.

“By being accountable to another person, a spouse learns what he or she is capable of.”

#2- Understand the Difference:

“Of all the ways to improve the relationship between the sexes, none is more important than accepting–and embracing–gender differences. Until we understand who men and women are as individuals and how they work in tandem, we will never be happy.”

#3- Align Expectations with Reality: Modern women have unrealistically high expectations of men and sex. The problem is not necessarily the dearth of good men, but an unrealistic expectation of “the perfect man.”  And sex…well, it’s a part of life, but to quote Raquel Welch, “it’s not the whole enchilada.”

#4- Know How to Choose a Spouse: Women need to look for stable, career-oriented guys who will provide for them and bring home enough income for them to stay home with their young children, which statistically speaking is what most women want to do, but often can’t if they married “the perfect guy”- romantic, dreamy, and very lazy.

So girls, go ye forth into all the world and get married, but first, make sure you make an attitude adjustment and keep these steps in mind. Next week we’ll hear the truth about moms who work.

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