Chapter 11: The Sex-Seekers

May 27, 2011 | Catherine





If you are married and work as a full-time wife and mother, according to Betty Friedan in Chapter 11 of The Feminine Mystique, you are a “sex-seeker.” You find your identity in your sexual role.

Friedan continues:

“women are aggressors in suburban status-seeking and their search has the same falseness and unreality as their sex-seeking. Status, after all, is what men seek and acquire through their work in society. A woman’s work – housework – cannot give her status; it has the lowliest status of almost any work in society . . . [a woman] becomes a parasite, not only because the things she needs for status come ultimately from her husband’s work, but because she must dominate, own him, for the lack of an identity of her own.”

If you are a wife and mother, or a “housewife” as Friedan would say, your blood pressure probably just spiked reading this above paragraph.

The problem with Friedan is that she pitifully seems to have no concept of intrinsic dignity. To her, there is a environmental hierarchy. If you live within 4 walls and leave those 4 walls every day to enclose oneself into another 4 walls for the next 8 hours to create order, think of new ideas, establish culture, and create rapport, your essence, worth, and identity are the highest they can be in Friedan’s eyes. However, if you live within 4 walls and stay within those 4 walls to create order, think of new ideas, establish culture, and create rapport, your essence, worth, and identity is that of a parasite.

While I pity Friedan in the above point, Friedan does make a good point in discussing the promiscuity of young women. She references a psychiatrist consultant from Harvard-Radcliffe who noted that college women

“often seek ‘security’ in these intense sexual relationships because of their own feelings of inadequacy. . .”

Sadly, this is true. I have seen it many times. All people want to be loved unconditionally for who we are. But women, particularly seem to seek security sexually if they cannot garner it any other way. The desire to be loved is natural and like the renowned Scottish author, George MacDonald once said, when a man knocks at a brothel he is really knocking for God. This translates over to women seeking sex above all for stability, as well.

Do you agree that the seeking of sex is the seeking of something more? The seeking of something supernatural? Possibly even the seeking for God, as George MacDonald said? If not, why do so many people seek sex before or outside of marriage?


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