Why Women Should *Not* Start Asking Men Out

by Danelle on September 18, 2014 · 11 comments

Elite Daily, the supposed “voice of generation-y” and popular website for news, entertainment, and dating advice, recently ran an article entitled “Why Women Need to Start Asking Men Out… Because Men Have No Balls.” The author writes:

They’ll make eye contact with you in the bar, but never come over. They’ll get your number, but never call. They’ll offer to buy you a drink, but never pay. They’ll say a girl is hot, but never hit on her. They’ll text you for a week, but never ask you out. They’ll do absolutely everything but make a move.

The author essentially gives reasons for why men no longer ask women out and ultimately concludes that women should instead “play both sides of the game…[and] be the chased and the chaser.”

My question is: Why?

If most men are no longer capable of asking women out on a proper date, as the author claims, why should women be the ones to take over that role? Sure, some women want to settle down, get married, and have families, but with what? A man-child? A passive follower? Once women begin taking over the role of men in the dating world, we really do risk creating an entire breed of men who are, for lack of a better description, pathetic. More importantly, we risk creating a matriarchy, where women are superior to men. In the modern world, I strive for equality, not superiority.

asking-a-girl-outThe dating world, which is a delicate balance of give and take, is actually a more equal world than what the author suggests in her world. Just think: a man makes a decision to ask a woman out, the woman makes a decision whether to accept. Both take strength and both people are on equal footing. In the author’s new world, the woman “must be the target and the shooter. She must play coy and simultaneously pursue him.” This is not equal footing and puts all the pressure on women.

I certainly do not want to live in a world where men are rendered incapable of making decisions, seizing what they want, or striving towards a goal, just as I would not want to live in a world where women are incapable of doing the same.

All right, so enough responding. What is my solution to the author’s problem? Don’t ask men out.

It sounds difficult (that’s the point), but once we start asking men out, men will gladly sit back and take it easy. The only way to encourage men to ask women out is to make them ask us out. The only way to do that is withhold our decisions to date them. Once they realize that they cannot actually date women without asking them out all by themselves, they will begin asking us out again.

It’s as simple as that. Do you really want a man who can’t make up his mind or is always looking for something better, as the author suggests? I certainly do not, and in this case, women ought to be strong and wait for the men with courage to ask us out.

Be strong, ladies, and men will be strong, too.
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danellespeakingDanelle Gagliardi is the Director of the NeW Alumnae Network and a former NeW chapter founder at The Ohio State University. She was given the NeW Woman of the Year Award in 2011. Danelle graduated in 2012 with a B.A. in history and is now in her final year at Washington University in St. Louis School of Law.

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{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }

Martin September 23, 2014 at 7:55 am

So if men who don’t ask women out are pathetic and weak minded as you point out, should we assume women are just as pathetic and weak minded for not doing so? Are you happy with being a passive follower for waiting for a man to ask you out and not taking the initiative yourself?

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leonard January 16, 2016 at 7:06 pm

I guess Attorney Gagliardi likes the double standard. Somehow, women asking men out on dates (God forbid?) puts ALL the pressure on women, and,somehow, does not allow women to be on “equal” footing with men —- and she holds a law degree.

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dee January 23, 2016 at 3:56 am

This shit is dumb. I’m a guy, I’ve been approached and done the approaching. For the most part, I don’t really just go after chicks anymore like I used to. I only step to them if they show some interest. I just don’t go in cold turkey anymore, introducing myself and whatnot. Social Media has ruined chick of today. You have thirsty losers on IG, who follow these chicks always commenting and liking their pics, making most of these women’s egos sore to higher levels.

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Seriously January 26, 2016 at 5:17 pm

Seriously? Women asking men out? Well that would be one hell of a Miracle.

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John June 20, 2016 at 3:29 pm

Thank you for spreading the word that women should not be asking men out, but let me give you another reason: to avoid rejection. You see, we are not buying what you have for sale anymore. So we won’t be asking you out, and if you ask us out we will say no.

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Utterly Stupid June 30, 2016 at 9:17 am

just fucking wow….so women are allowed to change over the period of history and become emancipated but men are not allowed to change. Who the fuck said that it was the man’s responsibility to ask women out and get rejected most of the time…seriously these are social norms and not something that we inherently receive when born. Again, just fucking wow…

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Jim Garner July 30, 2016 at 3:42 pm

Today’s men,especially the younger ones, are scared of most women, whether they want to admit it or not.Women have become so independent and confident, and that scares some men, but not all of them.I have to admit though that even at 50 years old, that alot of women scare the heck out of me, because of what they have become today.I don’t like women who are too loud, bossy, controlling,confident and independent.I prefer women who are more laid-back, easy – going, softspoken, understanding types.Not the loud, opinionated,

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Outlawzero September 21, 2016 at 1:59 am

I’m not scared of women. If all women did was Reject men that’s fine. But no you ask them out and they don’t like you if you’re lucky they’ll call it sexual harassment. Keep pretending theirs no probably and you don’t have to change. Keep having no respect for male opinion. Look it up men are refusing to marry or have children in record numbers. It certainly won’t change calling them nut less. It is now only risk to have children. We are supposed to be equal but how much more likely is a woman to get custody. There is a woman that stole a used condom got pregnant. Waited to the statute of limitations on theft was up and sued for child support and one because it is apparently in the best interest of the child to be raised by a criminal. You on your reproductive rights and genetic material you also ours. While cuckolding is still legal men abandoning children has been rightfully stopped as the valid reproductive strategy it had been for centuries because we advanced as a society. On the other hand there are actual laws forcing men to pay for children not theirs. Rarely does paternity fraud even legally count as fraud.

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Everyguy August 30, 2016 at 6:00 am

So it sounds like men are supposed to put up with women who “can’y make up their minds” or “are just there looking for something better”

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