Elite Daily, the supposed “voice of generation-y” and popular website for news, entertainment, and dating advice, recently ran an article entitled “Why Women Need to Start Asking Men Out… Because Men Have No Balls.” The author writes:
They’ll make eye contact with you in the bar, but never come over. They’ll get your number, but never call. They’ll offer to buy you a drink, but never pay. They’ll say a girl is hot, but never hit on her. They’ll text you for a week, but never ask you out. They’ll do absolutely everything but make a move.
The author essentially gives reasons for why men no longer ask women out and ultimately concludes that women should instead “play both sides of the game…[and] be the chased and the chaser.”
My question is: Why?
If most men are no longer capable of asking women out on a proper date, as the author claims, why should women be the ones to take over that role? Sure, some women want to settle down, get married, and have families, but with what? A man-child? A passive follower? Once women begin taking over the role of men in the dating world, we really do risk creating an entire breed of men who are, for lack of a better description, pathetic. More importantly, we risk creating a matriarchy, where women are superior to men. In the modern world, I strive for equality, not superiority.
The dating world, which is a delicate balance of give and take, is actually a more equal world than what the author suggests in her world. Just think: a man makes a decision to ask a woman out, the woman makes a decision whether to accept. Both take strength and both people are on equal footing. In the author’s new world, the woman “must be the target and the shooter. She must play coy and simultaneously pursue him.” This is not equal footing and puts all the pressure on women.
I certainly do not want to live in a world where men are rendered incapable of making decisions, seizing what they want, or striving towards a goal, just as I would not want to live in a world where women are incapable of doing the same.
All right, so enough responding. What is my solution to the author’s problem? Don’t ask men out.
It sounds difficult (that’s the point), but once we start asking men out, men will gladly sit back and take it easy. The only way to encourage men to ask women out is to make them ask us out. The only way to do that is withhold our decisions to date them. Once they realize that they cannot actually date women without asking them out all by themselves, they will begin asking us out again.
It’s as simple as that. Do you really want a man who can’t make up his mind or is always looking for something better, as the author suggests? I certainly do not, and in this case, women ought to be strong and wait for the men with courage to ask us out.
Be strong, ladies, and men will be strong, too.
Danelle Gagliardi is the Director of the NeW Alumnae Network and a former NeW chapter founder at The Ohio State University. She was given the NeW Woman of the Year Award in 2011. Danelle graduated in 2012 with a B.A. in history and is now in her final year at Washington University in St. Louis School of Law.